The Bike Ride from Hell

Kissimmee Prairie State Preserve

Jan 29, 2014

Today, we decided to grab our mountain bikes and head off via military road to meet the Kissimmee River.  Now we have been on Military “road” before so we knew it had some rough spots.  It is a sand base with some growth on it; Preserve trucks drive on it infrequently.  It is definitely not paved.  Neither of us had ever been out to the far reaches of the Preserve on this path…approximately 6.2 miles out from the campsite. David’s speedometer said it was a bit more than the map notes.  So off we go.  The last time either of us got on a bike was about 9 months ago.  David had done more hiking out west than I did as I’ve had some gastrointestinal issues that I’ve been dealing with since July 2013.  So I am the worst state of physical fitness since I gave birth to twins….27 years ago.

Off we go on our bike trip that was estimated to take maybe two hours and be maybe 12.4 miles by the Preserve map (although a bit longer by David's speedometer).  I promise I will never joke about anyone with a big pack on a day hike again!  We had one bottle of water, my banana (half of which fell off into the sand while I was eating it) and that is it.  It was very foggy when we left with absolutely no sun in sight.  Maybe 1/3 of the way down Military road, David said, let’s turn around (usually that would be me and not him but parts of it were kind of taxing to bike).  I said, “nah, this is just a rough spot, not yet”.  We continued on despite the fact that some of the riding was like dragging a cinder block behind you.  We made it to the river but you couldn’t see the river because there was HIGH grasses pretty thick to it.   Since this is gator country we elected to not plow through that grassJ  We rested in the shade.

Now we had the choice to go back via Military road or via River Trail and Grasshopper Sparrow Trail. The River Trail and Grasshopper Sparrow Trail combo were a little longer but it had to be better. We already knew what to expect from Military and we wanted to avoid that terrain.  I suggested River Trail and Grasshopper Sparrow Trail and off we went.  We did the River Trail with no problems and then got on Grasshopper Sparrow Trail. WELLLLLLLLLLL, the state of that path for biking was pretty bad.  The very large aggressive tired prairie buggy had been on this path AND the wild pigs had been on it (they are mammalian rototillers…need I say more!) so it was pretty rough but we were not interested in turning around and we were picking our way back home.  It was grueling and not fun.  By now the sun was out and although I had put sunscreen on my face, neither of us had slathered ourselves with sunscreen anywhere else.  We saw one of the only shady spots up ahead and agreed to stop for a break as I was pretty much fried at this point.  Our water bottle was down to several SIPS each…..  There was a nice breeze but that was the only NICE about it at this point.  David biked up ahead just to see what was around the corner.  I know he was feeling fried also.  He swiftly came back and told me that the path is blocked with lots of water.  My heart sank as I took a quick walk to look…UGH!  I was devastated, deflated, and totally bummed.  I immediately knew I am going to have to buck up and turn around on that horrible trail that we just rode 3 slow miles on…OH, #*(%Y&#*%.  This is gator country; everywhere else in the park water was very low so there could definitely be gators hanging out in this water.  Continuing was not a possibility and we couldn’t tell how deep the water was.  I must also comment that the women in the park office told David that the trails are dry (there are some with seasonal wetness) so we had no clue that there could be water on any of them.

We turned our bikes around and walked for maybe ½ mile to give our bodies a bit of a rest (because that was as good as it was going to get). We slowly biked our way back to the trail junction of Cow Camp Trail and Military trail about 4.7 miles in all.  I had decided that when we reached the junction I was not going anywhere and that I was going to send David ahead to have the camp host come pick me up in his all terrain golf cart (yes, I was that bad…worst I’ve ever been friedwise).  My back was screaming, I needed water, my thighs were aching like I’ve never experienced, and I was developing saddle sores, and my shoulders were crying for a break from the bouncing.  I told David of my plans to give him the last of the water and send him off to get a rescue vehicle to come get me; he turned me down and said he wasn’t leaving without me!!!!!!  ARGH!  I didn’t know what to do with that.  So we rested for maybe ten minutes and I said, I would see what I could do.

Back on the bikes and now on Military "road"…going was very, very slow.  If it was sometimes difficult on the way in; on the way out it was much worse.  I told David I wanted him to call out my progress each time I did a mile; we had about four to five grueling miles to go at this point.  I waited for him to call out the miles…nothing.  Those miles just weren’t happening fast enough.  “Okay, call out ½ miles; I need some sort of feedback to let me know that I am making progress or I am just going to sit here until the gators, coyotes, wild hogs, and vultures get me!”  He began to call out ½ miles; they were not adding up very fast either.  “Okay, call out tenths of miles”.  Now something was happening…although slowly and not fast enough for me but still I felt like I was getting somewhere, however slow!  We stopped every mile to rest.  The water was gone.  I was hungry; Lunch had come and gone.



 

Finally we could see the campground way off in the distance (about 1 mile away).  That was a FAR one mile but I knew water awaited, a bed, and a bag of Terra sweet potato chips was going to be my lunch!  Damn, he tricked me into finishing it.  In the end the first bike ride of the season which was only going to be about 12 miles turned into 23 miles of HELL.

I took a bufferin to head off the screaming my body was doing….  David fell asleep admitting that he also was fried.  We were out there for about four hours.